Hello and Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

I know in the last blog I said that I was going to discuss how to put an end to arguing but with the holidays, I thought it would be better to talk about delayed consequences.

During the holidays, when family and friends are all around, do you find that your children just push that behavior envelope a little wider? For me, it was those times that made it almost impossible to put that parenting cap on tight and stick to my guns. I was always worried about how things might look or what others would think of me if my child started acting up so I would let things fall “unnoticed” and really give them a “good talking to” when the company had all left. This would usually create an argument that left me feeling unsatisfied and frustrated. If you can relate, please know that we are not alone and it is possible to maintain our composure and not let our children “run wild”!

As parents, we feel like every moment needs to be a teaching one and that it needs to be handled immediately. In fact, sometimes delaying a consequence has quite a bit more impact. Delaying allows us to have more time to really create a logical consequence for the situation. It gives us a chance to do it without emotion and anger, and it gives the child a chance to wonder about what might be coming at them.

If your child does something that is not within your family’s guidelines, try saying “Oh no, this is so sad. I’m going to have to do something about this. We’ll talk later.” Then when the company is gone and you have figured out the consequence that fits the action, go back to them and say, “I figured out what I need to do about … and I am so sorry but you will …” Then add, “I know you will figure out a way that this won’t happen again.” All of this is done with a big dose of empathy, that you truly are sorry that this had to happen, and no anger or emotion.

Honestly, life has been so much happier and the holidays even more enjoyable since I started using these techniques.

Happy Holidays, I hope that you all have an amazing time with your families. As always, thanks for reading.

Next month we will delve into how to neutralize arguing.

And that’s what Ms. Marinos says!

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