The recent news about parents attempting to buy their children’s way into college has really made me start to think about what parenting truly is about. These parents love their children, want the absolute best for them and obviously would do anything for them. Yet I am dumbfounded at how glaringly opposite this gesture comes across. Unfortunately, we were given a very public display that they did not believe enough in their child’s abilities, and therefore the only option was to illegally buy a spot for them! Is it our job to provide everything at the expense of our children’s self-worth? Should we shelter them from the harsh realities of life so much that they become incapable of making mistakes? I truly hope not.

Parenting is one of the hardest roles to navigate. Those fine lines between being helpful and smothering can be fuzzy. Simply put, when we discount our children’s abilities to make their own small decisions when they are younger, we create a world for them where they are incapable of making larger ones later. Give them some power in the younger years so they don’t fall apart trying to regain it later, or worse yet never feel they even want to try.

Showing your children that you believe what they are capable and competent of is one of the greatest and most powerful gifts we can provide. I know that I have already blogged on the idea of providing choices but thought it needed another boost! Give them two choices as often as you can. Make both choices things that are acceptable to you and let them know that you think they chose well!

“Do you want to wear your blue shirt or red shirt?”
“Pajamas or teeth first?”
“Broccoli or spinach?”
“Should we leave now or in 5 minutes?” (of course say it 5 minutes before you want to leave)
“Do you want me to buckle you up or do you want to do it yourself?”

The combinations are endless once you put your mind to creating choices.

Only give choices when there are no issues. If they cannot decide within 10 seconds or if they come up with a choice that was not provided, you make the choice for them.

After they choose, give them a “good choice” acclamation.

Gift your child with the knowledge that you truly believe in their capabilities to make decisions!

And that’s what Ms. Marinos says!

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