When I was driving down the street this week, I noticed a group of women waiting with their children. Much to my surprise , they were all holding champagne glasses. It was an unexpected sight since it was 7 in the morning. As I passed by, I looked in my rear view mirror and caught the glimpse of the reason for the celebration, the school bus was approaching! Their summer was filled with fun, frolicking, late nights, no schedules, lax rules and an endless stream of trying to find some way to occupy their children without losing their minds!! Now, Nirvana had arrived again, the school year has begun!!

Unfortunately, rules will have to be reinforced, times adhered to and the children (and adults) will get testy! This is where that empathetic “I know” has soooooo much power! Consider the following scenario:

Parent: Hey honey, it’s time to get up for school.

Child: No, I don’t want to go to school!

Parent: I know. (said with complete sincerity)

Child: I am not going. You are so mean!

Parent: I know. (again, said in a genuinely sincere way). Do you want to put your clothes on in the house or the car?

Child: No, you can’t make me.

Parent: Ok then, clothes on in the car. (grab clothes and take them to the car)

Child: I hate you!

Parent: I know sweetie, but I still love you.

Child: You don’t love me, if you did, you would never make me go!

Parent: Nice try honey. I will love you even if you go to school in your pajamas.

Child: Fine, but I am not going to be happy about it!

Parent: I know (as always, say everything with complete empathy).

There are a million ways that these confrontations can escalate, but when you as the parent reply with a sincere “I know” there is no fuel to add to their fire and it dissipates the arguing power. It also reminds you to take a step back and disengage any anger that you have for the situation – because truly, we all can relate to not always wanting to get out of bed!

And that’s what Ms. Marinos says!

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