Have you ever had your child tell you “No” to something that you asked them to do? Have you ever been frustrated by what appears to be a disrespect on their part? Do you wish that they would listen the first time that you ask them to comply?

This month’s blog is inspired by such an overwhelming number of people around the world thinking that they know better. I have been struck by the media, the unstoppable political advertisements, and just a general aire of superiority that runs the human race. In our gain for some sort of control over our lives, we just want to be heard. The unfortunate side effect of all of this is our children. This captive audience is bombarded with words on how to dress, act, be, feel and anything else that we definitely know better about. In our quest to gain control and respect from our children, we are creating the opposite.

In order to gain control, we have to give it up. Our children are as much wanting to feel some control over their lives as we are. They need to feel that their thoughts and choices matter just like us. As adults, we have experienced so many things that we just want to give our children knowledge and have them learn through what we say rather than having to experience it themselves. We provide them with endless words about our wisdom, that quite frankly, fall short of being heard. I had a boss once who loved meetings, endless, pointless meetings. He wanted to be heard but forgot to make his point so we could listen. This is how children feel when we give them lecture after lecture when they have made a mistake or we feel they have something to learn from us.

So, to get to my point, less is truly more when it comes to having a child learn from making a mistake. The most effective way to deal with it is as follows:

• Rule broken by Child
• Dose of empathy from Parent – using your empathetic statement such as “Oh, I am so sorry.” , “Shoot” “Bummer”, “Dang, I really hate it when I make the wrong choice “, or whatever empathetic statement you have chosen to use.
• Natural Consequence

That’s it! It is the less is more version – no lecture to follow, no extra words. Let them learn from the consequence on what to do next. It truly is much more powerful. Think about how you learned best. I know for me it was from the hard knocks of life, not my parents words.

Next blog, we shall explore “Natural Consequences”

And that’s what Ms. Marinos says!

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