A very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you!
This months blog comes from the shopping plazas of the world!!!
Everyone who knows me has come to realize that shopping is my least favorite thing to do in the world! Don’t get me wrong, I do love to buy gifts for others and find joy in cooking so find it necessary to make the trips to the grocery store. What I do not love, is the pawing through endless racks in the hopes that something will jump up and say “Take me home please!”. This time of year is especially trying in that department but it does provide me some bit of joy in the people watching department. I am always struck by how grumpy humans are this time of year, searching for that perfect gift that may or may not be appreciated. This may sound cynical but every year I hear the shouting, the shoving, and the yelling at clerks to hurry up! I find my Love and Logic calmness truly helps navigate these turbulent waters.
As for our children, they are making their lists, ramping up the excitement and pulling out all the arsenal in their powers to test us as parental beings. This time of year it is especially important for us to remember our empathetic statements and keep them ready.
A few examples are:
- “I know”
- “What a bummer”
- “Shoot, so sorry that happened”
Or whatever empathetic statement you have chosen to be yours. Just utilize it every time your child pulls the whine out for something that they did not get, does something disrespectful at Grandma’s house or just generally does not listen. Remember that if you have been using your statement all along, your child will know that a consequence will be following and settle down!!
If the timing does not warrant a consequence at that exact moment, every infraction need not be addressed, delaying the consequence is quite powerful and saves us embarrassment in front of family and friends at our celebratory events. Simply say your empathetic statement followed by “I am going to have to do something about that.” and walk away. Of course, the most powerful way to vocalize this statement is to whisper it in their ear. This prevents them for being called out in front of others and a quite kind word in their ear gives the consequence to come more impact! Crucially, we also need to remember to bring out that consequence at home, the next day or so.
An example would be:
Parent: Hey honey, will you please clear your dishes from the table. Child: NO!! I Don’t Want to!!!!
Parent: (whispering in his ear) “I know, I am going to have to do something about that attitude later” and then walks away.
Child: (stunned look of terror) takes plates to the kitchen
Child: (next day) Mom can you take me to Johnnie’s to play.
Parent: ” Shoot honey, I am so sorry but I am just exhausted from your rude behavior at Grandma’s yesterday, I just do not have the energy to drive.”
Child: “That’s not fair!!!!”
Parent: “I know. I am sure your will figure out a way to get my energy back for next time. If you can’t, let me know if you want some ideas of what will help.”
It is very powerful to delay lowering the boom and have children think that they got away with something only for them to find out that we do remember. The holidays need not be nasty like the shoppers in the stores.
Happy Holidays and may your time be filled with love, laughter and fun!
And that’s what Ms. Marinos says!
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