Hello Wonderful People,

My blog this month is struck by the swirling feelings of dislike that we have amongst us. We are filled with the beginnings of the political onslaught that will build to a momentous peak right before the election. I am always amazed at how powerfully the negative messages stick in our minds, far overpowering anything that may be positive about any of the candidates. This theory also applies to our children. As humans, we believe, and frankly hold onto, the one negative comment that an important person in our life has said to us. I can still remember with vivid accuracy, albeit my mind may have embellished a wee bit, the one statement that an influential person said to me regarding my appearance. It has carried with me since I was 12 and creeps into my psyche every now and then toying with my self image.

Our children listen so incredibly well when we do not want them to, remembering in great detail the one thing that we wish they had not heard. We are definitely human and make mistakes of course, but wouldn’t it be great if we truly did have empathy for them, especially in the times when we find it almost impossible to even like them. This is why our practice and consistent use of our empathetic one-liner is so critical. If we are ready with it, we can go brain dead and deliver our one liner with true empathy – practice makes it part of our muscle memory and therefore autopilot takes over and we do not have to think.

My one-liner is “I know.” And I found it very, very useful over the years. In fact , I still use it with my children and they are adults now! I discovered that it gave me the ability to stay calm through trying times, give myself a chance to breath and think about the situation logically and gave my children nothing to work with. They were unable to use any of what I was saying against me and their will to fight was greatly dissipated. The secret to it all is making sure that you do not sound sarcastic in the slightest. Believe me, this takes practice!

Pick your one-liner:

• “I know”
• ”What did I say”
• ”I love you too much to argue” ”Thanks for sharing”

or whatever works for you – it must be the same statement all the time and be said with the greatest empathy. Delivered with no explanation on the situation, only meant as a means of taking yourself out of an un-winnable argument.

​Practice, practice, practice

• post sticky notes with your chosen statement all over your personal space
• practice until it seems natural and empathetic to you – ask someone’s opinion about how it comes across because a kind friend will always tell you the truth
• be gentle with yourself and know that we are all a work in progress and not always going to do it “by the books”

Remember the Love

The greatest love of all is that for our children. Remembering that using your practiced statement will give you great power when you are faced with a time where “liking your child” is a challenge.

And that’s what Ms. Marinos says!

To receive posts like this in your email, sign up for my newsletter here: https://tinyletter.com/paulamarinos