Hello Fabulous Parents,

So sorry that this edition of my blog has taken such a long time to get to you. I know that we are all feeling like we are currently in “The Truman Show” and someone outside the bubble is watching and finding great entertainment in how we are all handling this crazy time.

I have been thinking a lot about what I could possibly say to you that would help navigate parenting in social distancing times. It occurred to me that the possible upside to this is that life is far simpler – no rushing to leave the house for school, no shuffling to and from the many outside activities, parties, social events and play dates. This would make the demands on your children and their need to follow a multitude of time restrained requests far less and hopefully giving them far less to rebel against. It also is the absolute perfect time to put your Love and Logic techniques into play so that when life does ramp up again, they are solidly in place and flawless to execute!

Here is a review of the techniques that I have written about in past blogs. Have fun with them, enjoy your family time and please stay safe and healthy!!

Neutralizing Arguments

• Go “Go Brain Dead”
• Resist the urge to engage your child in a argument
• No lectures, no words other than your “One Liner” should be spoken
• Calmly repeat your Love and Logic One Liner
  • “I know”
  • “What did I say?”
  • “I love you too much to argue.”
  • Or whatever your one liner may be
• Have a conversation about what they were upset about when they are in a happy state.

Making the natural Consequence be the “Bad Guy”

• Come up with an empathetic statement
  • “This is so sad.”
  • “Oh man!”
  • “Shoot, I am so sorry.”
  • “Bummer.”
  • Or whatever your empathetic statement may be – make it natural to your personality
• The statement comes after the child has done something that warrants a consequence and comes immediately after the action and not be preceded by warnings or reminders. It must be said with complete empathy and love so that the child knows that you are not wanting them to be in trouble but the consequence must come because of what they chose to do.
• The statement is immediately followed by a natural consequence for the action that the child did. There are no earn backs, no getting out of the situation, just a follow through with the consequence. Example: If the child says “I promise I won’t do it again please can I earn my video game back?”, just follow it with “I know you won’t honey and you will definitely be so ready to play it tomorrow.” Be sure to stick to whatever consequence was set up – if you allow them to earn things back all the time, they will not believe that you need to be believed.

​Sharing Control Through Choices

• When your child is doing great, listening well and making great decisions provide them with 2 small choices peppered into their everyday activities. Examples:
  • Do you want to brush your bottom teeth or top teeth first?
  • Do you want blueberries or raspberries?
  • Do you want to make your bed before breakfast or after?
  • Do you want to buy those designer jeans yourself or have me pay for these ones?
  • Are you going to turn the TV off now or in 15 minutes? (Give the choice 15 minutes before you really want it off)
  • Are you going to take a shower or a bath?
  • Do you want your bedtime story on the couch or in your bed?
• All choices need to be ones that you are comfortable with
• Never give them something that you don’t really want because that is the one they will always pick. 🙂
• Never give choices when the child is resistant.
• If your child does not choose in 10 seconds, you choose for them.
• Giving choices provides the children with a sense of power over something and that is a huge cause of why they act out or are defiant, they want a sense of control.

Guiding Your Children to Solve Their Own Problems

Your child comes to you complaining that their sibling is …… (fill in the blank)

• Provide them with a strong and sincere dose of empathy – do this by leading with your empathetic statement or “Shoot, I hate it when someone does that to me too.” – this gives your child a voice and provide a validation to their feelings.
• Lovingly hand the problem back – “What do you think you want to do about it?”
• If they say “I don’t know”, say “Would you like to hear what some other kids have tried?” Sometimes children say no to that and you just say, “Ok, let me know if you want some later – I know you will figure it out.” If they say yes, give them a few ideas about how you think it could be handled and after each idea say “Would that work out for you?” Keep giving some suggestions until you have either run out of ideas or they say “Yes” to an idea that would work. After they choose the idea, tell them “Great idea, let me know how it works out for you.”
• Check in the next day or later on and ask how it worked out

This is so powerful because not only does it help you to not be involved in micromanaging every situation for your child but it gives them a sense of power to be able to handle problems that may occur.

Thanks so much for reading – stay in touch, stay safe and healthy. Next blog will be some fun things to do while staying at home.

And that’s what Ms. Marinos says!

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