Hello Amazing Parents,

Does anyone remember that movie “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray? If you don’t, it basically is about a man who has some definite character flaws to work out and is forced to relive the same day over and over again until he corrects those flaws. Seems to me that this past COVID year has been just that, at least for me! Today I woke up and was placed into a new path to move forward rather than continue reliving that pandemic shut down mindset any longer. My apologies for not creating new blogs to give to all of you during those moments of “groundhogness”!

As parents you were forced to create a virtual bubble around yourselves and your children, giving you extra time to evaluate and reevaluate your parenting styles. In it, you were all made to become educational consultants and teachers along with your own daily jobs. This made you stronger, more creative and enabled you to discover how much you appreciate and respect the time that your children are in person at school. I am sure that you discovered what you did and did not like about your child’s educational experience in a far more up close way than you had most likely wanted. Moving forward I hope that it gives you a little more insight into the workings of your child’s schooling and an extended appreciation for how much happens in creating that daily schedule.

Today’s blog is to remind all of us that all of the occurrences over this past year and a half have really created a disadvantage in the educational and emotional lives of our children. The emotional up and down that we have had over all that this pandemic has created trickles down in a way to our children that we sometimes forget to acknowledge. This comes out in unexpected ways for them; separation anxiety out of the blue, acting out in the classroom, tantrums over seemingly irrelevant happenings and reverting to younger behaviors that you thought they were completely past. All these behaviors revolve around children trying to create some control for themselves. The following is a wonderful way to try and let children influence their own situations without them trying to grab control in inappropriate ways.

​Giving Control Through Choices

When we are faced with a never ending list of the things that we cannot do or what we don’t like to do, sometimes we rebel even when the consequences are negative. It gives a sense of control. The technique below
gives your child that sense of control so they do not need to find it in a negative way.

• Only give two choices.
• Only give choices that fit your value system – make sure that you are happy with either of the two choices that you have given your child.
• Present the choices in a positive, loving manner.
• Give 99 % of your choices when things are going well – it is best to not give them choices when they are acting out as that makes it seem like the negative behaviors are negotiable.
• Give choices before your child becomes resistant – once that happens, they do not get the choice as you will make it for them out of the two that you have chosen.
• Use care not to disguise threats as choices – ex. “Do you want to go to your room or be grounded?”
• Choices about major events should not be included. Do not give your child choices that should be yours.
• Don’t be afraid to say, “I usually give choices, but not this time.”
• If your child does not choose within 10-15 seconds, choose for them – “Oh, I guess since you are not
  deciding you are choosing to do …”

Some examples of choices:

Will you be wearing a coat or carrying it?
Are you planning to come home at 10 or 10:30?
Do you want me to buckle you in your car seat or do it yourself?
Will you be brushing your top or bottom teeth first?
Do you want carrots or peas for your vegetable tonight?
Do you want to get your allowance on Fridays or Saturdays?
Are you going to turn your cell phone off or just ignore your friends texts until after dinner?
Do you want to wear the blue or red shirt today?

Find things in your everyday life that can be made into choices – the more you practice, the easier and more natural they become. Start with writing down a few choices that you can incorporate into your child’s week and utilize them. Have fun with it and see how powerful a little power with choices can be!

And that’s what Ms. Marinos says!

To receive posts like this in your email, sign up for my newsletter here: https://tinyletter.com/paulamarinos